Chaiming In: Swan Song Edition

October 30, 2008 | Comments (0) | by Chaim Witz

- By now you've all heard that the end of the Saloon is nigh. A lot of people have written to me asking, "But Chaim, why change? This site is like a comforting blanket of mediocrity and you're so handsome. I don't understand." Listen Mom, I appreciate the sentiment, but it's time for change. We must have a hope for a better tomorrow. That hope is Pomp Culture.

Look back at some of the posts on TMS over the past year and ask yourself, "Is this site better off than it was 8 months ago?"

I think we all know the answer to that question.

So don't fear change my friends. Thunder Matt's Saloon is the old, stubborn white guy who has been around forever and served the Intenet well, but whose recycled ideas and inconsistency prevent it from moving forward. Sure, we energized the base for a while by adding some new writers, but that move was calculated and gimmicky from the very start. Pomp Culture is the upstart black guy with new ideas, a bold vision and a promise of a better tomorrow. Sure it's new and inexperienced, but it also promises to be exciting, passionate and intelligent, exercising good judgement and diplomacy to navigate the troubling waters of the Internet.

So my friends, on November 11th, I ask you to cast your vote for Pomp Culture. You don't even need to leave the comfort of your own home to do so. Like a comforting, slightly less mediocre blanket, we'll be there.

-Speaking of voting...seriously, vote. Beat the lines and vote early. Actually, depending on where you live, the lines might be quite horrifying already, but none-the-less, vote. Bring a magazine to pass the time. If you were fellow bartender Governor Gray Davis that magazine might be Playgirl. If you were The Hundley, maybe Guns and Ammo. Chip Wesley? Cooks Illustrated. Careful with that Russian Playgirl Brant Brown. Daft Funk? Probably an anime comic book. Tiger Beat for Dave Thomas. Jordi likes the color photos in WWE Magazine. Loser Poet rocks one of those hairstyle magazines they have in salons. Surely E-Claire subscribes to some sort of pamphlet with articles penned by Maya Angelo and Sarah McLachlan. And LB...well he's English, so he just stays home with a stack of British lad mags and a plate of Scotch Eggs, conjuring up lewd thoughts of Campbell Brown.

No matter what your magazine of choice, vote. I don't care if you 'don't like politics'. Do you also not like your life or the welfare of the country? Listen, I won't tell you who to vote for. I'll be casting my vote for the good Senator from Illinois but far be it from me not to tell not to vote for Bob Barr of the Green Party. I will say though, if you're on the fence and you're a Cubs fan, do you really want to tempt fate and quite possibly suffer through another soul-crushing defeat by putting your eggs in the McCain basket? Think about it.

-Congratulations to the Philadelphia Phillies, 2008 World Series Champs, much to the chagrin of fellow bartender, Afro rocker and Rays fan, Sir Jordi of Florida. I can't say that I paid as much attention to the Series as I probably should have, but the Phillies aren't wholly unlikable. Jimmy Rollins, Ryan Howard, Jason Werth, Chase Utley...they seem like a decent enough group of chaps. But for the love of Frank Caliendo, is it too much to ask for an exciting World Series? Good Lord. The Series hasn't gone past Game 5 since 2003 and the last real tense series was probably the Year of the Rally Monkey back in 2002. I mean, c'mon. You just know the Cubs would have went seven games. Win or lose, there is no way that they would have made this easy on their fans.

-Recent movies that I've seen, loved and will review at a later date: the new Danny Boyle film Slumdog Millionaire (opening November 12th in select theatres), Mickey Rourke's comeback vehicle and soon-to-be Oscar darling, The Wrestler (in theatres December 19) and smart drama disguised as a possible chick flick, Rachel Getting Married (in theatres now). The new Bond movie, Quantum of Solace, was also very good, though not quite on par with Casino Royale.

How bad does that new Jim Carrey movie, Yes Man look? A comedy about a guy who says 'no' to everything and then wakes up one day to find that he now mysteriously says 'yes' to everything. Ripping off the concept to one of your less-than-a-decade-old movies (Liar Liar) might be a new low.

Rants: Kings of Leon - Only By the Night, iTunes, Thunder Matt's Saloon, Sean Hannity, Greg Oden, Dallas Cowboy drama, wine headaches, the economy, turtlenecks.

Raves: TV On the Radio - Dear Science, Amazon MP3 Store, Pomp Culture, Barack Obama, Derrick Rose, Kurt Warner's under the radar season, the new Rolling Stone format.