Monday Afternoon Hangover

October 13, 2008 | Comments (0) | by Rich Funk

Back for the 2008 NFL season, it's the Monday Afternoon Hangover. We'll be recapping all the action from this weekend in the NFL, so pop a couple Excedrin and fight off those beer shits as we get things underway.

Even with a ton of close calls and last-second wins this week, the majority of the games in Week um...whatever week this is, were boring as hell. No fighting. No late hits or dirty play. And wouldn't you know it? The Bears blow another 4th quarter lead.

How many days until Spring Training again?

Chicago 20
Atlanta 22
I understand the point of the "pooch kick" and trying to prevent a long return. But if you're going to kick it short, you've got to keep in mind that a 20 or 30 yard pass could put the opposing team within field goal range. If I were Kyle Orton, I'd be pissed. With just a little smarter play and the ability to not blow 4th quarter leads, the Bears could easily be 6-0.

Baltimore 3
Indianapolis 31
Peyton "Douche" Manning has his first "Peyton Manning" game of the season. I was expecting a more dangerous game than this with Ray Lewis stabbing people on one side and Marvin Harrison shooting people on the other. Sadly, this game didn't end with any murders.

Detroit 10
Minnesota 12
The Lions sucked under Matt Millen. The Lions still suck after he's gone. But at least now they're entertaining, right? They aren't? Aw shit.

Oakland 3
New Orleans 34
Is it just me or was every game this week either decided by less than 3 points or more than 25? Drew Brees continues to not only play well for the Saints, but to keep sticking it to the Dolphins. Remember when Miami decided to pass on signing Brees and picked up Daunte Culpepper instead? FAIL.

Cincinnati 14
NY Jets 26
Thomas Jones scored 2 touchdowns. other than that, everyone else in this game was a wasteland statistically. I looked at this box score and saw nothing worth liking. DRRRAIIIINNNAGGGEEE!

Carolina 3
Tampa Bay 27
Jeff Garcia comes out on top of Jake Delhomme and the Panthers. Garcia says he "couldn't think of a better place to be."

St. Louis 19
Washington 17
This game's passing leader? Washington's Jason Campbell with 208 yards. Rushing leader? Washington's Clinton Portis with 129 yards. Receiving? Washington's Antwaan Randle El with 87 yards. So how the hell did the Redskins manage to lose this one? Clearly it has something to do with their semi-racist mascot.

Miami 28
Houston 29
The Texans were down by 6 points and faced 4th and goal from the 4 yard line. Fail to score, and they fall to 0-5. QB Matt Schaub calls his own number and runs it in himself on a QB draw. That, my friends, is having a set of brass balls.

Jacksonville 24
Denver 17
Denver suffers a rare home loss. Jacksonville finally avenges their bitter loss to the Broncos in the 1997 AFC Wild Card game.

Dallas 24
Arizona 30
Jesus Christ was this game exciting. After a terribly sloppy and boring first half, the 4th quarter was the bomb with the Cowboys scoring 10 points in the last few minutes to force overtime. Not one, but two Cardinals came through on a Dallas 4th down punt to block it and take it into the endzone for the win. This is the furthest into the season the Cardinals have been in first place since 1872.

Philadelphia 40
San Francisco 26
Just as she did when the show was on the air, Sweet Dee is trying to live the Sex and the City life now that there is a movie. Her hopes of going out with the gals to a martini bar just never seem to come together. Maybe that's because she hangs out with 4 men in a pub. 4 men who are currently discussing a poop problem Charlie and Frank are having.

The two share not only an apartment but a bed and for the second time they have found a piece of poop between them upon waking. Neither bunk mate is willing to confess. Charlie's PJ's with back flap and Frank's giant dress shirt that he sleeps in are used against the other as proof against the other. While none of the guys seem concerned with Dee's problem, Dennis at least seems intrigued by a mystery: Who Pooped the Bed?

Green Bay 27
Seattle 17
I fell asleep during this game it was so boring. Hey, that Favre guy didn't play for Green Bay. His streak is over! Ha! What a douchebag.

New England 10
San Diego 30
Did anyone else watch this game? Because for every one person that was watching it, that's one more person than there were defensive coordinators for the Patriots watching. If they were, they would have seen early that Vincent Jackson (and everyone else) completely owned New England corner Deltha O'Neal all night. Bench him please. As much as I hate New England, I hate the Chargers even more.

The Golden Nutcup Team
Wear it with pride fellas!

QB - Drew Brees, NO (320 yards, 3 TD)
RB - Maurice Jones-Drew, JAC (125 yards rushing, 2 TD)
WR - Andre Johnson, HOU (10 catches, 178 rec yards, 1 TD)
WR - Marvin Harrison, IND (3 catches, 83 rec yards, 2 TD)
TE - Marcedes Lewis, JAC (3 catches, 64 rec yards, 1 TD)
DEF - Indianapolis (3 points allowed, 3 INT, 2 fumbles recovered)

The Flaming Bag Team
Cuz poop is funny!

This week's Flaming Bag team is every Chicago Bears player involved in the last 11 seconds of their game. HOW DO YOU LOSE THAT GAME???

Monday Night Prediction:
Cleveland over NY Giants