Monday Afternoon Hangover

October 06, 2008 | Comments (0) | by Rich Funk

Back for the 2008 NFL season, it's the Monday Afternoon Hangover. We'll be recapping all the action from this weekend in the NFL, so pop a couple Excedrin and fight off those beer shits as we get things underway.

Feeling a bit intellectual today? Well too bad, because we're doing this haiku style, bitches! You might be thinking that I'm doing this just because I'm lazy. That may be true, but I might also be standing right behind you right now, ready to strike you in the throat! Ha ha ha! Ok, just kidding. Or am I? I'm an excellent hider, so you'll never know. There are so many nice things to hid behind in your room too...

Chicago 34
Detroit 7

Though Millen is gone,
Lions still have bad players.
Expect more losses.

Atlanta 27
Green Bay 24

Green Bay fans miss Brett.
They look to food for comfort.
More bratwurst, Fatty?

San Diego 10
Miami 17

Seas will turn to blood.
Apocalypse is coming.
Miami is...good?

Seattle 6
New York Giants 44

Bet on the Seahawks?
That's really, really stupid.
God, you're so stupid.

Washington 23
Philadelphia 17

Always Sunny? Nope!
Eagles should have given 'Skins
Infected blankets.

Kansas City 0
Carolina 34

Carolina rolls.
The Panthers' key to success?
Punch your teammate's face.

Tennessee 13
Baltimore 10

Neither team scored much.
Haynesworth didn't step on heads.
Ray Lewis: MURDER!

Indianapolis 31
Houston 27

Even in hard times,
Houston can count on one thing:
Berkman's still a douche.

Tampa Bay 13
Denver 16

Fans love Cutler's hair.
His locks make the ladies swoon.
Cut your hair, hippie.

Cincinnati 22
Dallas 31

Cowboys get the win.
Palmer played way too uptight.
Constipated? Sure!

Buffalo 17
Arizona 41

Bills running back Lynch
Fails to carry the offfense.

New England 30
San Francisco 21

O'Sullivan comes
Up short. His name sounds like a
Sweet bar. And I'm drunk.

Pittsburgh 26
Jacksonville 21

Once, I killed a man.
Never told anyone that.
Oh, the Steelers won.

The Golden Nutcup Team
Wear it with pride fellas!

QB - Kyle Orton(?), CHI (334 yards, 2 TD)
RB - Brandon Jacobs, NYG (136 yards rushing, 2 TD)
WR - Roddy White, ATL (8 catches, 132 rec yards, 1 TD)
WR - Andre Johnson, HOU (9 catches, 131 rec yards, 1 TD)
TE - Chris Cooley, WAS (8 catches, 109 rec yards, 1 TD)
DEF - Carolina (0 points allowed, 2 INT, 1 fumble recovered)

The Flaming Bag Team
Poop on the shoes, man!

QB - Jon Kitna, DET (74 yards, 1 INT)
RB - Larry Johnson, KC (7 carries, 2 yards)
WR - Calvin Johnson, DET (2 catches, 16 yards)
WR - Eddie Royal, DEN (3 catches, 23 yards)
TE - Antonio Gates, SD (1 catch, 12 yards)
DEF - Buffalo (41 points allowed)

Monday Night Pick
The Saints are marching.
Frerotte still playing? Is it
Nineteen ninety-six?

Saints 35, Vikings 17

Anyone looks like an MVP against Detroit!