Enough baseball already.

October 29, 2008 | Comments (0) | by Anonymous

Seriously folks, can we just call Philadelphia the winners and move on?

I'm rather tired of the World Series. Of course, you would expect a lot of that to be due to the Cubs not playing in it, but the weather is now much worse, the temperatures lower than Tara Reid's tits. It's miserable out there, and I'm miserable in front of my television watching this rubbish.

Seriously! Look how low those things are!

The rain delay farce didn't exactly help matters, but really, you need to re-evaluate your scheduling if you're forced to take a 48-hour rain delay just to finish a single game. Bring everyone back to the stadium for just over 90 minutes of baseball. Shit, you should just go watch MLS at that point.

I can sustain interest in soccer for almost the entire year (that month off in July is clutch), but for baseball, it's different. The nuances play out over 162 games, and then potentially another 19 if you make it all the way to lifting the trophy (and it took you a full series in each round to do it), and it's hard to keep the intrigue going. Honestly, are we not sick yet of Cole Hamels talk, or LOLing at Evan Longoria and how his name is one letter shy from being the name of Tony Parker's pint-sized spouse?

Seriously, enough folks. Selig, lop 10 games off the regular season or something. For example, I think Tampa Bay players would appreciate only going to Baltimore for 4days instead of a full week. And now you have waning interest anyway because the NFL is in full swing, NBA is just around the corner, and apparently, something called "hockey" just started again as well! At this point, you're the relative who hangs around too long at Thanksgiving dinner when everyone else has gone home. You had all fucking summer to razzle-dazzle us; how about letting someone else have a go?

At this point, the list of things I'd rather be doing is expanding rapidly:

Give me a marathon of this instead. Just no more balls and strikes, PLEASE

List of Things I'd Rather Be Doing
1. Read an entire issue of The Economist
2. Watch Vh1
3. Chase stray animals down the street, scaring them shitless
4. Watch Frank TV
5. Punch myself in the dick
6. Read Finegan's Wake by James Joyce
7. Overdose on Lunesta
8. Send boxes of my feces to David Beckham
9. Internet porn (making it, not watching it)
10. Talk to my mother on the phone
11. Talk to anyone on the phone (I hate being on the phone)
12. Campaign in New York City on behalf of John McCain
13. Get a Brazilian wax job
14. Amputate my own leg
15. Watch hockey
16. See how progressively unfunny this list gets, the further down I go
17. Listen to Coldplay

You get the idea. I'm sick of baseball at this point. If I were a king in medieval times and baseball was a person, I'd have them executed. Then I'd eat a turkey with my bare hands and request fellatio from a comely peasant lady. Yeah, I'd enjoy that.

It's almost November. Soon someone will win this fucking thing and we can all move on. Thankfully it could be tonight, because another 3-4 days of this shit will probably kill me.