Chaiming In

July 24, 2009 | Comments (0) | by Chaim Witz

I haven't written anything for this site since Pomp Culture was still a part of the American lexicon, so I may be a bit rusty. Bear with me.
  • Here's a crazy thought, fueled by too many Miller Lite's. Lets make Rich Harden our closer. The man is a wet noodle drenched in Ben Gay medicine who Lou is remiss to leave in for more than 6 innings, so why not? He's got "closer stuff", he's unflappable in the bedroom and he's a million times better than Chad Cordero. It makes perfect sense. He'd be the Canadian Kerry Wood. Slot Marmol into the 8th, Guzman to the 7th and shoot Kevin Gregg in the back of the head in the clubhouse shower. I see nothing wrong with this. I say, listen to me now! It is much easier to find a 5th starter than it is a dominant closer. You heard it here first, at Thunder Matt's Saloon. No other Cubs blog brings this kind of balls out analysis.
  • Have you seen The Hurt Locker yet? No? JESUS CHRIST! Why not? As if you have better things to do. Be a goddamn man for once in your life. Bartender Dave Thomas (aka, White Chili) saw this movie and it was so good his whole shirt was unbuttoned by the end. Oh wait, you went and saw Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen? Fuck you. No really, fuck you. If instead, you want to get laid (ahem, Jordi), take a women to see (500) Days of Summer or Away We Go. Neither of those movies star Rose Byrne, but they'll suffice.
  • Will the Cubs make a splash come the trading deadline? One would hope that we get Freddy Sanchez's mole, but can we count on that? God no. Be content to watch Milton Bradley walk (OBP, skeet!) while second base is manned by a tackling dummy. Whatever happened to Bobby Scales? Wasn't he doing good? He must had sex with Lou Pinella's wife in between a day/night doubleheader or something. Free Bobby Scales!
  • How many people write for this blog? I don't even know anymore. I leave for a short time and come back to a whole litter of gremlins, some of who, quite frankly, should have been aborted. It's almost easier to figure out who doesn't write for this blog than who does. For instance: Bret Favre? Doesn't write for this blog. (Not because he doesn't want to mind you.) TMS: Quantity over quality. If you want quality, stop reading blogs.
  • MLB Trade Rumors. Now there's a blog!
  • Many of you don't know this (but a lot of you do since most of our readers write for the site), but we have a pretty epic Gmail thread that all of us contribute to daily. I would say it gets at least 100-200 emails a day. Let the record show that 90% of our best stuff is on those threads and never makes it to the site. Granted, a lot of it is way to random and 'insidey' for the site, but it's mean spirited, funny and occasionally glorious. Perhaps someday Lingering Bursitis will publish it in an expensive, leather bound book. You will be able to pre-order it exclusively from Pomp Culture. (OMG, that's two PC references in one post!)
  • Shameless personal blog plugs. Check out my blog at HHH for some family friendly minutiae and Eternal Stench for some more adult (see: pot) fueled endeavors. There are other personal blogs listed on the sidebar that may someday earn a plug on Chaiming In, but today is not that day.
  • Best food that you're not eating: Breaded pork tenderloin sandwich.
  • Underrated: Crinkle Cut Fries
  • Overrated: Grizzly Bear
  • New KISS album on October 6th, along with accompanying tour. I haven't been this excited since I found out that the dark curly hairs around my wiener wasn't just lint from my sweatpants. They just played for 90,000 fans in Canada, so don't you dare say they aren't relevant anymore. Granted, it was Canada, but still. (Rich Harden interjects.) Check out this meat and potatoes clip of the underrated 'Watching You' from Buenos Aires, complete with soccer chants at the end.
  • I have a child on the way, due in December. Not that anyone cares. But for those who do, Chip Wesley will throw up a 'Name Chaim's Kid' poll.
  • TMS has instituted a new schedule which will, in theory, lead to more posts. So make sure to tell your friends. Then again, chances are if you're reading this blog, you have no friends. Stay tuned and watch the homoerotic drama unfold!