War Criminal: Televised Poker

July 23, 2009 | Comments (0) | by Arcturus

How in the name of all that is good and holy did poker get on TV? And it's not just on TV, it's all over TV, like a goddamn rash. ESPN really loves this shit, but I just don't get it. What's next, televising grass mowing competitions or a really wicked game of tiddlywinks? With all the different sports that are played across this country and the world, why do I have to settle for a bunch of sweaty douchebags grouped around a table listening as the announcers wait with bated breath for the metrosexual in the leather cowboy hat to decide whether he's "in or out"? Jesus Christ, I know there's got to be a real game of something going on somewhere. I'd rather watch cricket then this sorry nonsense. And as a baseball fan, I feel a sense of moral outage that they dare to refer to this farce as a "World Series" of anything.

Other sports I'd rather watch then poker:
  1. Naked Sumo Wrestling
  2. Canadian Football
  3. Catfish Noodling (see right)
  4. Golf
  5. Tenpins
If I want to watch a bunch of losers sitting around playing cards, I'll go to the Arcturus family reunion. It's like you're in Vegas, only with racially insensitive jokes and alcohol.