Overrated: Dane Cook

9:45 AM | Comments (0) | by Zachary Kenitzer

I'm cool: you want proof?
My belt buckle is badass.

Dane Cook is not funny.

First, while I shouldn’t even have to, let me explain. Dane Cook started as a comedian touring college campuses and small time bars and became “big” after he appeared on Comedy Central. While early on he might have been funny, his comedy slowly devolved into a formulaic, mind-numbing and insulting. Today it is no secret that he is hated by most comedians, a major drama queen and supposedly is low enough to steal material from comedians like Louis CK. Regardless, even if he wasn’t any of these things he still isn’t funny. Take a look at my rendition of “The Dane Cook Formula”:

Step 1: Make an Observation (usually something simple)
Step 2: Describe something in the observation
Step 3: Expect people to laugh at the observation as if its ironic or unique
Step 4: If people don't laugh then:
a: make a strange face or make an odd movement to accentuate story
b: yell a swear word or make an odd noise at the top of your lungs
Step 5: Expect people to laugh at a, b or a and b.
Repeat

In fact, lets take it further. This is the joke that prompted me to write this post and have a long discussion with my coworker (who is named Karen and called this the Karen joke). All you have to do it take the formula and apply it (the only thing I have done is add “Step #”, this “joke” is in its whole form, seriously... you can't make this up)

Step 1:

So I'm hangin' out with all of my buddies, and uh, I realize something, I realize something. Think of the group of people you've known the longest in your life. Think of the group of friends you've hung out with the most, maybe you're all here tonight. And this is what I realized, I had an epiphany, and here it is, right here: There is one person, in every group of friends, that nobody fucking likes. You basically keep them there, to hate their guts. When that person is not around the rest of your little base camp, your hobby, is cutting that person down.

Step 2:

Example: "Karen, is always a douchebag." Every group has a Karen and she is always a bag of douche. And when she's not around, you just look at each other and say, "God, Karen, she's such a douchebag!". Until she walks up, then you're like, "Hey, what's up Kar-? Kar-. What's up Kar-?"

Step 3

There's always that one person - and I'm lookin' out and some of guys are like "Umm, I disagree." Well you're the person - You're the person nobody likes.

Step 4

I know, it is so true, and that's why it's funny. It is so true, that's why it's funny, because, it's so true, hence, funny.

Skip Step 5

Repeat Step 1

Your whole life that person has been there. That's how Brian is in our group. Nobody likes Brian. Yet everywhere we go, Brian would show up, even if we didn't tell him where we were going.

Step 2

We would go someplace and he would do that I Just Found You run. "H-h-h-h-hi guys. What's up guys?" And one of us would always see him and warn the rest of the group. We'd be like,

Step 3

"Fucking Brian is coming." "What?" [whispered] "Fucking Brian is coming."

Step 4

That's his name, Fucking Brian Is Coming. I heard a rumor, when he was born, even the doctor said, "Fucking Brian is coming. Let's get this demon seed out of here."

Step 5

That's what I'm saying - quote, unquote. And you can quote me on the quote, unquote.

Repeat

Wow... just take a minute to reread that and see what is funny about the actual text. There is nothing funny about it... hes telling a terrible story that most people would end with "and then I found a $5 bill." Then on top of it he stops in the middle to say "Its funny because its true." Yes Dane, its true, but its not funny. Sorry.

I challenge you to go back and look at other Dane Cook Jokes, I've even made it easy by giving you this site if you don't believe me: http://www.mustsharejokes.com/page/Dane+Cook+Jokes.
Every one of those jokes follows the formula. In closing, Dane you're a terrible comedian, and if you were the jester in my court I'd have you guillotined.

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