Underated: Going to the Moon (and Mars)

July 21, 2009 | Comments (0) | by Zachary Kenitzer

Yesterday we celebrated the 40th anniversary of what is one of the biggest events to occur in human history. First there was the invention of beer, then the wheel and fire. It wasn't until the 1960’s when man wrangled a big f-cking Saturn V rocket, cathode tube computers, liquid oxygen, hydrogen and big hairy American balls and then shoved it up the drunken USSR’s ass that we truly solidified our place in history. On the eve of the anniversary of first moon landing the astronauts from the Apollo 11 mission want the US to embark on a new mission - have man set foot on Mars in what could be the biggest goal of our generation, and I couldn’t agree more with them.

Dear USSR, F-ck You
Sincerely, USA

Now given the current state of the economy and world affairs you may be saying “SbC, this is a terrible idea...” but you would be terribly wrong because it could be a economic stimulus package that lifts several industries out of their slide and a diplomatic and political home-run (Pres. Obama pay attention now, even though I know you won’t read this, not because you don’t have the time but because you’re a White Sox fan...)

What we should do is create incentives for private companies to develop the technology necessary to get us to Mars. We could get congress to pass incentives for private industry that offers tax breaks, which would outsource the research, planning and design which would then leave NASA to pick the best and most cost effective. The Government could then use the money from the scrapped F-22 Raptor program (Obama shut down the "Dream Factory") to fund NASA and build it with the winners plans and parts. This would create jobs in both private and the public sectors, bolstering the technology, information technology, education and investment sectors of the economy, maybe even housing in localized areas.

Just imagine if you could sell the idea of a mission to Mars to a state like California which already has a ton of people that are smart enough (hell, even Steve Jobs could turn a profit off the iRocket, although it would just be operated by a single button and wheel) and enough debt to make Zimbabwean loaf of bread look expensive.

iRocket v1.1 - A New Apple Product Better than the iPhone

And you may be asking how it is a political imperative: China. When we first went to the moon it was to battle the Soviets into space (and maybe show that our nukes weren’t to be messed with) so why not do it again since we have a new enemy. They are already starting to develop their programs. Do you really want China to get to Mars before we do? I didn’t think so...

With China’s industrial might they be successful after a few tries (dying for Mao is a great honor) and will then mass produce cheap carbon copies of their rockets and sell them to the Chinese population so that they can colonize and turn the Red Planet into the Peoples Red Republic of China. Then they will undergo a massive public works project to carve Mao’s face into the planet, which is exactly what the future clients of my space tourism business will not want to see. They could also harness the alien race and turn them all against us, and Will Smith won’t be able to help us (Tommy Lee Jones maybe...)

Do you want your kids looking at this in telescopes?

So in closing I think building a new rocket to Mars isn’t only necessary, it needs to be done soon. I refuse to lose. Lets build a rocket that show how big our man hood here in 'Merica really is.

'Merica, F-ck Yeah