Cubs Closer: You Make The Call

Image from Married To The Sea

Chaim Witz had a crazy idea earlier today, particularly about using Rich Harden in the closer position and shooting Gregg in the back of the head. This intrigued my small brain, and since I was slow today on set (not much fluffing needed, mostly lesbian scenes), I decided to do a little research. I took all of Harden's first inning starts and compiled the stats. This would be a good indication (or best I could think of with my puny brain) of how Harden would be as a closer. Let's look at said stats:

April 10 - 1 unearned run; 1 hit; 1 strikeout; 0 walks
April 15 - 0 runs; 3 strikeouts; 0 walks
April 21 - 0 runs; 1 strikeout; 0 walks
April 26 - 0 runs; 1 hit; 1 strikeout; 1 walk
May 1 - 1 run; 2 hits, 1 double; 0 walks
May 6 - 0 runs; 1 hit; 0 walks; 1 strikeout
May 12 - 2 runs; 2 hits, 1 homer; 2 strikeouts; 0 walks
May 17 - 0 runs; 0 hits; 2 walks
June 13 - 0 runs; 0 hits; 0 walks
June 19 - 0 runs; 0 hits; 0 walks
June 24 - 0 runs; 0 hits; 0 walks; 1 strikeout
June 29 - 0 runs; 0 hits; 0 walks; 1 strikeout
July 4 - 5 runs; 5 hits; 1 double; 1 homer; 1 walk; 1 strikeout
July 10 - 1 run; 1 hit; 1 double; 1 walk; 1 strikeout
July 16 - 0 runs; 0 hits; 1 strikeout; 0 walks
July 21- 0 runs; 1 single; 1 wild pitch; 1 strikeout; 0 walks

16 innings / 9 ER / 14 H / 3 2B / 2 HR / 14K / 5 BB / 5.06 ERA / 1.19 WHIP / .209 BAA

Now this may be deceiving as it does not look that good. But Harden did have one HORRENDOUS outing on July 4th. You see, Rich is from Canada and doesn't like wearing the American flag on his hat, so he purposely blew the game. Let's take out that start. New stats, minus July 4th:

15 innings / 4 ER / 9 H / 2 2B / 1 HR / 13K / 4 BB / 2.40 ERA / 0.80 WHIP / .155 BAA

By comparison, the guy who Chaim will so easily murder in cold blood and then fuck his lifeless corpse hasn't actually done that bad this season. Kevin Gregg has 19 saves in 22 opportunities and hasn't blown a save in over 9 chances dating back to June 23rd, over a month ago. So why does Chaim and half of Cubdom hate Groggles? Probably for the same reason he hates me, Ricky 'Wild Thing' Vaughn, and Stephen Hawking - because we wear glasses and he thinks that makes us look smarter than him. So let's look at Gregg's stats this year (minus today):

45 innings / 16ER / 37 H / 7 HR / 44K / 19 BB / 3.15 ERA / 1.23 WHIP / .214 BAA

Still, some of you guys still complain about Kerry Wood. Of course you haven't seen him pitch this year, but yet you complain, complain, complain. "I want a cookie, Sally hit me, Jimmy took away my Woody!" STFU! Let's look at Kid K's stats this year (also minus today):

33 innings / 19 ER / 29 H / 6 HR / 38K / 18 BB / 5.08 ERA / 1.40 WHIP / .234 BAA

Not too impressive anymore, is it? He also has 4 blown saves in just 17 opportunities. That's just a 76% success rate, compared to Gregg's 86%.

So you make the call. If you're still crying for Kerry Wood, then you're probably this guy:


If not, then does Chaim have a reasonable argument for moving Harden to the closer position, given just the stats, or is he full of as much shit as the bag of dog poo I'm going to leave outside of Dusty's hotel room later tonight. Let's hear you TMS readers, YOU MAKE THE CALL!

Go Cubs!