War Criminal: San Diego Chargers, Their Fans, And Anything Related To Either

January 03, 2009 | Comments (0) | by Rich Funk

I just got done watching the Chargers upset the Colts in the NFL playoffs. As I sat here looking into the face of San Diego quarterback Philip Rivers' stupid face celebrating like he actually had anything to do with the win, I can no longer hide my rage.

I hate the Chargers.

I hate the majority of their fans.

I hate the following things by association: charge cards, electrical charges, the 'Charge' spell in World of Warcraft, finance charges, and that song played at every sporting event that goes "nah-nah-nah-NAH-nah-NAHHHHH! CHAAAARGE!!!".

First off, let's take a look at the players. Philip Rivers is an idiot. he seems like one of those guys that will never ever stop acting like the same douchebag he was in college. Normally players like this fade into nothingness (I'm looking at you, Leinart), but since Rivers has had some success this year, I think I'm going to have to put up with him for years. Someone please remove my head from the doorway as I'm sure by the time you've read this, I'll have smashed myself in it many many times.

And don't even get me started with Shawne Merriman. You take steroids and you can't even spell your name correctly. You should be banned from living. And if I have to hear any more about how there were Chargers left off the Pro Bowl roster and it's some kind of league wide conspiracy, I'm going to burn something down. When Pro Bowl voting ended, your team sucked and was 4-8. You deserve nothing.

The reason I can't stand most fans is that after the first game of the year, and even as close as 4 weeks ago, that bandwagon was E-M-P-T-Y. They couldn't give away seats. There was more room than in between Paris Hilton's legs. Now? EVERY SINGLE CHARGERS FAN claims that they've 'been there from the beginning'. After they snuck into the playoffs, sales on Chargers gear must have shot through the roof here in San Diego as everyone needed to show how hardcore they were by putting stupid flags in their car windows. Expect this trend to continue.

Norv Turner, you look like a frog. Tomlinson, you're not 'LT'. Lawrence Taylor is the only 'LT' in my book and you're lucky he's retired or he would have torn your leg off of your body the first time you played each other and tackled you with it.

Here's a picture of Philip Rivers on any given day of his life:

Here's a picture of Philip Rivers if you removed his brain and replaced it with Jello and bong resin:

Here's a picture I happened to find of the biggest douchebag on Earth:

Looks familiar...

In closing, I hate the Chargers. Go Raiders?


(Passes out)