The Gist: NLDS Game 1

Live from the BOB. Check that. Chase Field? Not entirely sure. Anyway, it's Game 1 of the NLDS, with the Cubs visiting the Arizona D-Bags. But you already know that. Here's the running commentary:

  • Dick Stockton and Ron Darling are calling the game. Boooooooo. There is no life in the booth.
  • Chi-Town Girl lets out an audible gasp when she sees Stockton. The man is not young. In the second inning, Stockton informs the viewers that Jason Kendall came to the Cubs in the Michael Barrett trade to San Diego. Ugh. Seriously.
  • Brandon Webb is on top of his game early, as expected. Carlos Zambrano is not. Chaz leads off the third with a double and chugs into second base panting. Webb is throwing filthy breaking balls, ringing up Soriano, Jones and Lee, stranding Zambrano.
  • Ways Stockton has pronounced Mike Quade's name: 2 (neither were correct)
  • Ron Darling just said that Micah Owings, D-Bags pitcher, had "many" homeruns this year. Too difficult to look up that stat Ron? What was it, like three? Four? Whatever it was, it was "many". On a good note, Zambrano seems zoned in.
  • OK, this "Frank TV"? This has to go. This is worse than Fox hocking "That 70's Show" or "House". Frank Caliendo, or however you spell his name, is a one-trick pony. Unfortunately, TBS doesn't really have anything else going for it, so expect his sure-to-be-shitty show to be on the air for a number of years to come. Seriously though, his spots during every commercial break are really grating on me. We have to go through the next two rounds watching these commercials? Shoot me.
  • Jeff Salazar? Who's this, Luis Salazar's son?
  • Stephen Drew with a solo homer. And now Soriano is hobbling in the outfield. I just got really depressed for a minute, but then I realized that the D-Bag fans are sporting white pom-poms. Whatever happened to the traditional Homer Hankey? At least the hankey didn't make an annoying noise. Thundersticks? Shut your mouth.
  • Here's the deal. We're through four innings and Webb is on a roll. This will be a low-scoring affair. I've taken the liberty of changing Cubs hats in hopes that their fortunes will change. I had on the traditional blue fitted hat with the simple red "C" in front. I'm now wearing the dark blue 1914 hat with the little bear carrying the bat. No sooner is the hat changed than Mark Reynolds throws a grounder into the stands, allowing Theriot to advance to second base. Superstition is awesome.
  • They're showing stats on the bottom line, and the starting pitchers for tomorrow's game. They spelled Ted Lilly's name wrong. TBS really has their shit together. What is this, UPN?
  • Top of the sixth, bases loaded, Theriot with an infield hit! Harold Reynolds leaps but can't get his glove on the ball. The game is tied!
  • Heading into the bottom of the seventh. Zambrano is out of the game to preserve his stamina. Carlos Marmol is in the game. He really should be closing, but we're OK with him in this situation. Any time you can bring in a reliever that throws 109 MPH, you have to be confident. Except that Tim Reynolds just tagged Marmol for a solo shot. Christ. He plays a mean guitar and can crush the ball. Negate everything I said about Marmol. Dear God Marmol is getting rocked.
  • Dick Stockton just called Doug Davis "Ron" Davis. Good Lord. Did anyone do their homework? Did all the TBS announcers fly in just prior to the game? Three up, three down in the eighth. Things are not going well. I'm getting flustered. And I'm pretty sure TBS has a smaller rotation of commercials than WGN. Why not just put the playoffs on WGN? We can get Hawk Harrelson to call all the games. That would be fantastic. I'm rambling. I'm panicking. We knew it wasn't going to be easy against Webb, but this sucks.
  • Dick Stockton called Jorge Julio, Julio Jorge. I can't take it. Ward draws a walk, bringing up Soriano. Groundout to short, game over.
Ugh. Wake me up when it's tomorrow night.

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