The National League Sucks at Life

October 28, 2007 | Comments (0) | by Chaim Witz

Like an aging, face-tattooed Mike Tyson trying to lace it up one last time to 'eat your babies', the National League embarrassed America once again. I won't really place too much of the blame on the Rockies. They were merely the unlucky sacrificial lamb chosen for slaughter.

I mean seriously. Every once in a while the Senior Circuit cashes in on a run of good luck (Cardinals, Marlins), but more often than not they are over-matched and outplayed to an extent that could be deemed 'laughable'. Witness getting swept 3 out of the last 4 World Series. Witness the 3-16-1 record over the last 20 All-Star games, including a winless streak dating back to 1996. Speaking of the Senior Circuit, I posed for Senior Pictures that year. I had a mullet and wore a plaid vest, a coy smile and used a fake Coke machine as a photo prop. All that and the National League won the All-Star game. What a year that was in my life. I've yet to repeat that kind of dominance. Neither has the National League.

I guess the Rockies will have to settle for a different kind of Cinderella Story. This one involves them listening to "Don't Know What You Got (Til It's Gone)" in the clubhouse, tears streaming down their faces, stroking Todd Helton's angry goatee for comfort.

Come the SuperBowl, I'll probably just cut and paste this post and replace 'National League' with 'NFC'. And I'm afraid that the sacrificial lamb will probably also fall to a behemoth from the Northeast. One that favors sweatshirts and the frowny faces.