Back To Work, Assholes!

Happy Tuesday. Yeah, you're back at work, but at least it's already Tuesday, which is practically Wednesday. See? Your week is already halfway over. Don't say I never do anything for you.

Because of the holiday, things were a bit slow here around the Saloon over the weekend. Because we've missed The Gist over the last few games, here's a quick recap of the last 4 Cub games in the form of a haiku:

5/23 - Cubs 12, Pirates 3

Fat Z gets four hits.
Zach Duke is a great pitcher,
But the opposite.

5/24 - Pirates 5, Cubs 4

Cubs lose in extras.
I hope Jason Bay will choke
On a bandsaw blade.

5/25 - Pirates 6, Cubs 5

Fonzie pulls a Brant.
Bay wins again in extras.
He can die of crabs.

5/26 - Cubs 3, Dodgers 1

Go fly the white flag.
Lee and Aramis homer.
I still hope Bay dies.

The worst thing about the 4 losses the Cubs had last week? They were winning in all of them. We gotta keep these leads, fellas!

On a more somber note, Geremi Gonzalez (formerly Jeremi Gonzalez...not sure why he changed his name) died on Sunday. He got hit by lightning. That's no joke...it's the truth. You may remember Geremi from his time with the Cubs. He went 11-9 in 23 starts as a rookie for the '97 Cubs and was a member of the magical '98 Wild Card winning Cub team that we all love so much. No one had Gonzalez in the Thunder Matt Death League, so no points are awarded. Speaking of...

This weekend saw the passing of two Hollywood greats: actor/director/writer/producer/badass Sydney Pollack and comedian/Laugh-In creator Dick Martin. Despite both being famous and old, neither of which were on anyone's roster in the Thunder Matt Death League. We're terrible. Overrated: Thunder Matt's Death League.

That's all for now. Hope you enjoyed Kingdom of the Crystal Skull as much as Chaim did.