The Gist: Game 38

May 13, 2008 | Comments (0) | by Rich Funk

Cubs 12, Padres 3

The Game: Much like Chaim Witz, the Cubs offense "exploded" all over the Padres for 12 runs. Randy Wolf got smoked in the 5th inning and Sean Henn didn't do much else to stop the bleeding as the Cubs put up 5 and 6 runs in consecutive innings.

The "Dewey Defeats Truman/Too Soon To Call It" Moment Of The Game: When Carlos Zambrano gave up a homer to Jody Gerut (Gerut's first in 3 freakin' years), it had all the makings of one of those awful Cub losses. Sure it was early in the game, but with the cold weather and the way Randy Wolf was dealing, I thought the 2-1 Padres score could hold up. I forgot who it was the Cubs were playing.

The Preparation H Asshole Of The Game: This award goes to the 2 Padres announcers for today's game. I'd never had to watcha Padres broadcast, but here were some of their "highlights":
  • They Called DeRosa "Soto" a few times.
  • They screwed up the ball/strike count just about every batter.
  • After Gerut hit his homer, one of the announcers said "That ball was smoked". The other guy replied "Like a Christmas Ham." You read that right. Terrible.
  • Immediately after the Padres gave up their 12th run of the evening, they reminded fans that they should go out and vote for all of their favorite Padres in the All Star game. Great timing, guys.
  • They spent a good 6 minutes doing impressions of both Pat Hughes (surprisingly good) and Ron Santo (terrible).
  • The cast from Jersey Boys were there to sing the 7th inning stretch. The Padres announcers announced that they were "The Jerky Boys".
Sign That The Apocalypse Is Coming: No, not the recent cyclone or the earthquake yesterday morning. Shawn Estes is actually making a start tomorrow. Run and hide. Duck and cover.