Fernando's Musings From the Taqueria: Week Six

May 13, 2008 | Comments (0) | by Chaim Witz

Each week we will go around the league and recap all of the significant happenings, in an effort to keep you, the reader, abreast of such time sensitive news. And of course, by 'each week', I mean 'probably not each week'.

La Semana Seis

Wet Fart of the Week: Closers - Ah, the fickle life of a Major League closer. One day you're the toast of the town, surrounded by hookers, blow and freshly inked headlines singing your praises. The next day, you're Eric Gagne. The most overrated, volatile position in the game saw it's world come crashing down last week. Jason Isringhausen demotes himself. Eric Gagne gets demoted and takes it out on Old Country Buffet. Jonathan Papelbon blows two saves (and 3 guys). Joe Nathan and Bobby Jenks' goatee both give up a few runs. This is mere speculation, but one has to imagine there is some sort of correlation between closers and the recent rash of natural disasters that are cropping up.

Fantasy Sleeper Makes Good: Ryan Church, Mets - If not for Nate McLouth, who everyone likes to pretend was their sleeper pick from the get-go (when in fact, let the record show that, I, Chaim Witz, had them all scooped), the trendy pick-up everyone would be talking about is Church, probably the least glamorous name out of all of the outfielders in the Big Apple. A .321 AVG, 7HR, 26RBI and 28R have opened some eyes, but he still seems to be flying under the radar. Probably because the last time this guy was a legitimate sleeper was a solid 2 or 3 years ago. Next thing you know, Brad Wilkerson will find God and his power stroke.

Fantasy Sleeper Gone to Pot: Corey Patterson, Reds - Some people figured that given Dusty's track record of blinding loyalty, coupled with loads of unreached potential, that Patterson would make for a nice breakout candidate and cheap source of speed. Cubs fans knew otherwise, and Patterson's .196 AVG has none nothing to prove us wrong.

Kevin Millar Called. He'd Like You To Taper Off Your Production: Kevin Youkilis, Red Sox - Remember back in 04', when that goateed prankster Kevin Millar nicknamed his Red Sox teammates The Idiots or The Retards or something like that? Then, a year or two later, Millar for some reason started going by the name 'Kevin Youkilis'. An odd alias, to be sure. For a few years, no one noticed. But now, this Youkilis character is putting up numbers that are not very Millar-esque. 8 HR, 30 RBI and a .322 AVG. Where have you gone Kevin Millar?

Maple Works For Syrup, Not Bats: Lots of discussion recently about how all these new finagled maple bats (as opposed to the more durable ash bats) are breaking more often than my fragile psyche. I will say, it does seem like we're seeing more splintered bats lately. Can you remember the last Reed Johnson at-bat where his bat didn't break? I certainly can't. God no. It's all fun and games until someone gets Steve Irwined by a stray shard of wood. I will say this. Maple bats? Big time deterrent against corking your bat.

The Puppy Love Phase Is Over: Rookie Phenoms - Be wary of the hype young grasshopper. Johnny Cueto has turned into Johnny Uh-Oh. Brian Bannister, the young Greg Maddux, has been as inconsistent as the old Greg Maddux. Evan Longoria will soon here the 'Eva' chants if his batting average keeps hovering around .211. Yovani Gallardo out for the year, sending Wisconsin into a beer and cheese induced coma. Jiminez and Morales in Colorado have been about as successful as Clear Pepsi. Mad Max Scherzer had a hiccup in Philly before rebounding against the Cubs (natch). All of these young guys will probably be fine, but they won't be without their growing pains. And I ain't talking about the show with Kirk Cameron and some guy named Boner.

Give These Guys A Greasy Taco:

Ryan Dempster, Cubs: 12 IP, 14 K, 1.50 ERA
Lance Berkman, Astros: 15/22 (!), 10 R, 2 SB, Back from Huntin'
Kevin Youkilis, Red Sox: 5 HR, 10 RBI, .375 AVG
Milton Bradley, Rangers: 2 HR, 8 RBI, 6 R
Emil Brown, A's: .333 AVG, 7 RBI, Annonomyous
Mike Lowell, Red Sox: .406 AVG, 3 HR, 9 RBI
Hunter Pence, Astros: .379 AVG, 5 RBI, 3 SB
Carlos Zambrano, Cubs: 1-0, 0.00 ERA, 0.75 WHIP

Give These Guys a Taco Filled With Cilantro:

Edgar Renteria, Red Sox: 0/18, 1 R, 0 RBI
Mike Cameron, Brewers: 1/20, 0 R, 1 RBI, HGH
Bill Hall, Brewers: 1/21, 0 HR, 0 RBI
John Smoltz, Braves: Presumed Deceased
Rich Harden, A's: 3.2 IP, 3.27 WHIP, 12.27 ERA
Gary Matthews Jr, Angels: .111AVG, 0RBI, 0R
Curtis Granderson, Tigers: 3/24, 0R, 0HR