Fuck Jim Edmonds

May 14, 2008 | Comments (0) | by Rich Funk

Pardon my language, but there's no other way to put it. Fuck Jim Edmonds. I don't like his jerkoff name. I don't like his jerkoff face. I don't like his jerkoff declining skills. And I don't like him (jerkoff).

The Cubs are expected to sign Jim Edmonds some time today. Can you think of a more un-Cub thing that could possibly happen? Should we bring in Mark McGwire and Matt Morris while we're at it?

I guess the Cubs front office wants some kind of left handed bat in center to split time with Reed Johnson. Here are my thoughts:
  • Edmonds will be taking Pie's spot on the roster, but is he really any better? Who has the better batting average this year? Pie. More homers? Pie. More RBI's? Pie. Better OBP? Pie. Better defense? Pie. Soooo...why are we bringing in Edmonds again?
  • Let's just say that Pie is the next Corey Patterson and we do need to look elsewhere for a lefty in center. How about that new fella in right? Kosuke Fukudome played some center field in Spring Training and did ok. He's even played a total of 9 innings in center during the season so far. So on days when Reed Johnson needs to sit, why not stick Fukudome in center and put Murton in right? Yeah yeah yeah, it's one less lefty in the lineup, but it doesn't matter what side of the plate someone bats from if he's an automatic 4 outs a game most times (Edmonds). Or how about Fukudome in center and Barry Bonds in right?
  • This is a guy who got CUT from the WORST TEAM IN THE LEAGUE!!!
  • Need I remind you that Jim Edmonds is known to most Cub fans as Jim "Fucking" Edmonds? This is a guy that Cub fans despise and have hated for the last 8 years. I hate Jim Edmonds with all of my being and while I would never cheer against any member of the Cubs, I'm certainly not going to cheer for him.
I know this is last minute, but if Edmonds does indeed become a Cub today, we need to bust out the pickaxes and shovels and torches and boards with nails in the end. We need to storm Jim Hendry's castle all Frankenstein's Monster style.

Show your support for an Edmonds-less Cub team by signing the petition below. Forward it to all Cub fans you know. Post it on message boards. Together, we can make a difference. We need Change.

Yes we can! Yes we can! Yes we can!


"Jim Edmonds? He can get the fuck out."