Live Earth

July 10, 2007 | Comments (0) | by Governor X

Ah, the All Star Break...five days out of the year when I don't care about baseball. While I'm pretty happy with this year's NL lineup (kudos to the voters for giving Chris Young the final spot), I still can't pay too much attention as a matter of principle. Fortunately, The Goreacle organized the multi-continent Live Earth extravaganza to raise awareness about climate change and provide me with something to write about. I was already aware, so I don't know if it succeeded though. Since that is the case, I'll just comment on the music.

Metallica - Everyone I talked to about this event, including my father, made the same comment about these guys: they did something for free? Yes, and they proved they can still rock in the process.

Genesis - I liked these guys when I was 6 or so, and surprise surprise, it turns out I still do. Land of Confusion gives me flashbacks of hideous puppet versions of Reagan and Thatcher that I would probably appreciate more if I saw them today. Why is Phil Collins back though? I figure Disney probably ran out of animated films for him to do theme songs to. You're better with these guys Phil.

The Black Eyed Peas & Kanye West - Hi! We're sellouts. Snoop & Luda didn't tame their lyrics for the worldwide audience, but these guys went G rated. Peas...we all know the name of that song is really Lets Get Retarded, just go with it. aren't Michael Richards, you're allowed to say that word that rhymes with "digger" instead of "broke-broke". You're artists, stand up for yourselves god damn it. On a side note, a friend pointed out Fergie looks "tore up" at this point. I can't really argue.

Pussycat Dolls - Shake that ass for Mother Earth!

Keith Urban - I hate you because you're an Australian country singer, but damn if that "I Told You So" song doesn't get stuck in your head. You should stop trying to be prettier than your wife too. Its just not going to happen.

AFI - That cover of Ziggy Stardust was awesome.

Foo Fighters - Overplayed sure, but one of the best live acts around. If I hadn't gotten a haircut, I would grow a beard so I could look like Dave Grohl. Somewhere, a headless Kurt Cobain is rolling in his grave.

Chris Cornell - Lay off the cigs man, you sound like Phyllis Diller these days.

Kelly Clarkson - Some people say her ass has gotten big. I say its just right. I'd like to line up behind that and...umm, I'll just stop.

The Police - Why, WHY does anyone care that The Police got back together? I'm sure Sting performs these songs on his solo tours. If you've really been waiting 20 years to hear Stewart Copeland backing him up on drums again, just stick your head in the oven now. There's no hope for you. The daggers of hate these guys shoot each other on stage are unbelievable. They can't need to cash a paycheck this bad.

Bon Jovi - We get're from Jersey. Give it a fucking rest already. Richie: Quit oiling yourself before you go on stage. Jon: Quit trying to be prettier than Keith Urban's wife.

Smashing Pumpkins - Its good to see them back together again, but someone tell Billy Corgan its OK to smile once in a while. He's a multi-millionaire rockstar but has the same look on his face I get in the middle of a particularly grueling meeting at work.

Madonna - Is it wrong to say a woman older than my mother is hot? Probably, but seriously, the yoga and fake British accent have done wonders. Good call not burning a cross, kissing two fading starlets, or mock-crucifying yourself on stage. The chorus of kids was a much better choice. How many of them have you adopted illegally though?

Roger Waters - I like "Another Brick in the Wall", but any other Pink Floyd song I hear is like chinese water torture. I'll probably get hate mail for that too. Seriously, if you aren't high as Tommy Chong, I don't see how a 10 minute long version of "Money" can do it for you. If I were in Gitmo, a couple loops of that song and I'd tell my CIA interrogators everything I know and then some.

Keane - These guys are single handedly trying to keep BritPop alive and god bless them for it. They don't have a guitar in their band and they don't need it. I can't think of anything else to say here, but they're good and you should go buy their two CDs immediately.

Saturday Karaoke at the JT Saloon was cancelled in favor of the Live Earth concert. Even out in the sticks, Live Earth brought life to a stand still.