Stand Up And Introduce Yourself To The Class

July 12, 2007 | Comments (0) | by Rich Funk

Being one of the new guys around these here parts, I thought that I would give you readers a chance to get to know me by combining two of my favorite things in life:

  • Cubs baseball
  • Television
On the drive to work this morning, I was thinking that a lot of the Cubs have very similar qualities to my favorite TV shows. Why was I thinking this at 6:45 AM? I'm not sure...meth does some craaaaazy things...

Let's dive in, shall we?

Alfonso Soriano = Lost: Both Soriano and Lost started out with a bang, but were constantly shrouded in mystery (Is he a leadoff guy or a middle of the order slugger? How old is his guy?). Both are prone to hot-and-cold streaks that can last weeks at a time. I compare Soriano's 2007 campaign to Season 3 of Lost: started off just plain awful, but is primed to end the season with a bang.

Mike Fontenot = Prison Break: Both came out of nowhere to be exciting and successful right off the bat. With Fontenot playing a bit over his head (He can't hit .400, can he?) and Prison Break's story faltering a bit (How many times can you bust out of prison before you run out of material?), both are prime candidates to come back to Earth so to speak, but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy the ride for as long as we can. Plus, Wentworth Miller and Fontenot both score high on the "Rich Funk Man-Crushability Scale".

Derrek Lee = Entourage: Lee's Cubs career is almost identical to how Entourage has been since it first premiered:

Season 1: Solid, but not spectacular. but if you looked closely, you could tell the potential was there.
Season 2: MVP-caliber season.
Season 3: Disappointing, but you couldn't be mad because the season before was so great.
Season 4: Sure it's the same guy/show you're used to, but the power is completely missing. Nothing to complain about, but nothing to write home about either.

(Can I just say that the quality of Entourage has gone down as they've been showing less and less naked women? This is not a coincidence.)

Aramis Ramirez = The X Games: Always exciting to watch, but there's ALWAYS the chance of a freak injury, and that makes you nervous...very nervous...

Michael Barrett = The OC: Sure it may have been pretty good at the beginning, but now that it's gone, isn't everyone at least a little happier?

Carlos Zambrano = COPS: Zambrano's starts are exactly like the best episodes of COPS...pretty solid, and there's always the chance that something batshit crazy will happen right in front of your eyes. It's always startling, but when it's over, you can say "Well, I'm not really that surprised..."

Mark DeRosa = That 70's Show: Never an All-Star, but when you flip through the channels and it catches your eye, you're never disappointed with what it delivers.

Jacque Jones = Engaged and Underage: There's no explanation as to why it's still on. Sure you may catch a good episode as often as Jones has a good game (Once a month usually), but you sit there the whole time it's in front of you thinking "This has got to stop eventually, right?"

Neifi Perez = The Nine: Never should have existed in the first place, but now that it's gone, you can laugh. Or cry.

If you can think of any others that fit, leave a comment below. Oh, I know he's not a Cub, but anyone that has seen Flight of the Conchords on HBO knows that that show is Manny Ramirez hands down.