Look What The Cat Threw Up...

July 24, 2007 | Comments (0) | by Rich Funk

That's right...the cat threw up a giant breast implant. Or more like 14-16 of them if you want to get technical.

Sunday night was the second glorious episode of Rock of Love on VH1, the show designed to find Poison frontman Bret Michaels his "television soulmate" or "walking crab farm".

Last week's episode ended with Bret keeping 16 sluts...err...lovely ladies in his house that he wants to get to know better before the next night's cut down to 12. This show was another example of why rich and famous rock stars are better than us. If the average person wanted to get to know someone better, they'd have to do things like "talk" and "listen" and maybe even "go out and do something". But Mr. Michaels has the luxury of feeding these 16 ladies endless amounts of booze, and watching their behavior from a few rooms over.

(I'd like to take this time to ask why its taken so long for someone to say "Hey, you know what would be entertaining? Giving a bunch of strippers a bunch of alcohol and waiting until they inevitably start turning on each other and raising all kinds of hell." Can anyone answer this?)

Anyway, the girls in the house have split themselves into 2 groups: the party girls that get drunk at 9:00 in the morning and aren't afraid to take their clothes off in front of all 27 VH1 viewers, and the girls that have some semblance of "morals". The party girls gave themselves the nickname "The A-Team". Wait...never mind, they actually call themselves "The Varsity Squad". Oh wait...it's both. Yes, that's right...they gave themselves 2 nicknames. It's probably because none of these girls have had less than 2 of anything applied to them at one time, if you know what I mean.

Each week, the girls are given a "challenge" to see who gets to go on a one-on-one date with Bret. This week, Bret was going to talk to the girls over the phone while a machine was attached to his...nether regions, to see which three girls could get the biggest... reaction... out of him. The highlight of this part of the show was the fact that the girl who got fall-down drunk in the first episode got fall-down drunk before getting on the phone with Bret and made little to no sense...again.

The three girls that were the best on the phone got to have a special "date" with Bret, which consisted of going into the studio with him, singing terribly on one of his new tracks, and making out with him in front of everyone else. Seriously, there were about 10 times in the show Sunday night when Bret just started making out with one of the girls, and the other 15 had to just stand there and watch it happen. How gross is that? Either way, I felt good because the 2 girls I handicapped as the front-runners in the competition were 2 of the 3 phone-sex winners. Remind me to call Vegas tomorrow and see if I can lay down a bet on Rodeo and Lacey to make it to the final 2.

Either way, there was much making out, drinking, and cattiness. This is the last time I'm going to tell you readers to start watching this show or you'll miss out on television hitting a historic new low. Tune in one of the 8,000 times VH1 is running reruns of this show. You will not be disappointed.