The Governor's Thursday Press Conference

September 27, 2007 | Comments (0) | by Governor X

Too lazy to write an entire column about something, I have decided to field questions. Nothing is off limits, and please pay no mind to the preachy tub of goo over my shoulder. Lets get started:

Who do you think will win the World Series?

The California Angels of Los Angeles of Anaheim. It really pains me to say that though. Bandwagoning Angel fans in Orange County rank just above herpes, Stalin, and Austrian weight lifters in my book. The rally monkey and "lifelong" Angels fans since 2002 are going to drive me mad.

Who do you have representing the NL?

I don't know. I doubt it really matters. All four AL playoff teams are better than anyone the NL is going to put up. I'd say Arizona, but they may not even make the playoffs.

What do you think of the Cubs' chances?

Their chances are as good as anyone I suppose. Who would have thought they would be the closest to wrapping up a playoff spot this late in the season? I see two keys for them: 1) Zambrano has to keep it together. The playoffs are no time for one of his emotional meltdowns. 2) Don't give the ball to Ted Lilly with anything on the line. That guy is a pantywaste and will just curl up in the fetal position balling like a girl.

Are you catching any new TV shows this fall?

No. All the new shows look terrible. Isn't that Journeyman thing just a Quantum Leap ripoff? No one has ever ripped off Scott Bakula and lived to tell the tale.

Not even Cavemen?

If I'm going to watch a program length commercial, it had damn well better have Ron Popeil hocking shitty kitchen gadgets.

Why don't any radio stations play music in the morning?

I've wondered this damn near all my life. The last thing I want to hear when I roll out of bed and head in for another dreary day at the office is some douchebag yammering about their sex life. Every god damned station has a morning show too. Just play music you assclowns!

What was your take on the Mahmoud Ahmadinejad speech at Columbia University?

I'd be lying if I said I paid much attention to it. Columbia is a kick-ass Oasis song though. Definitely Maybe CD. Go buy it. Now.

Are the Trojans going to reclaim the national title this year?

I don't follow hockey. Next question.

Seen any good movies lately?

Well yeah. I just watched Octopussy again. That was even better than I remembered. The sequence on top of the German train really got my heart racing.

You probably meant new movies though. Not really. The last one I saw was Deathproof. God, what a snooze fest that was. Quentin Tarantino at his worst. Its supposed to be a thriller, but its about 90 minutes of pretentious, overwrought dialogue followed by about 15 minutes of action. That scene with the girls talking in the diner was particularly painful.

Football question. The NFL seems topsy-turvy this year. Who do you think is the best team and the worst team in the league?

Best has to be New England. Tom Brady is putting up video game numbers at QB and with this taping nonsense, they're more motivated than ever.

Worst team would have to be Buffalo. They're actually in worse shape having lost JP Losman for a few weeks. Thats a good indicator you suck.

OK guys. Thats it for today. I have to go eat my usual lunch of a turkey sandwich with mustard and a bag of veggies. Rob here will have his usual side of bacon and a liter of buttermilk - no cigarettes though because that would be bad for you.