Spiraling Out of Control

September 27, 2007 | Comments (0) | by Chaim Witz

I demand a Florida recount. The hanging chad strikes again.

That was a disgusting series. Like a Chinese Buffet used to fend off a hangover, this series sounded better on paper and in the end was tough to stomach. I am bitter but not broken. As easy as it is to blame Ms. Traschel*, the onus is on our offense to show that they are big-league ready.

Bitter as I am, can we talk briefly about that shitbox that the Marlins call a stadium? Holy shit. That has to rank up there with the old baseball stadiums of the 80's (Veterans Stadium, the Astrodome) as one of the biggest sinkholes ever. There isn't a single square inch of that place not covered in gaudy advertising. And everything has a blue hue to it. Even watching the games on TV, it was like someone put a sheet of blue saran wrap over the screen. "Get that fucking saran wrap off the screen Mom! Jesus!"

It is comforting to know that the Brewers apparently don't want the pennant either. Hot potato!

Has a team ever won a pennant without actually winning a game during the last week of the season? (Somebody get on the horn and call Wikipedia!**) We may be on the verge of making history. Ladies and gents, the most depressing celebration ever. No bukkake here. No champagne or cigars. I imagine the celebration to consist of warm Hamms and Newports.

At least we're not the Mets.

*I'd like to see a T-shirt in the Saloon store that just reads "Blame Steve".
**I'm not sure what that means.

Update: Okay, I just read what I wrote and and that's just too depressing. F it, we're still gonna win this thing. Where can I find a video of that 'Push for the Playoffs' montage they played last Sunday? Somebody with more internets skills than myself needs to post it. That's not so much optional as it is mandatory. I need to get jacked. I've got the doom and gloom out of my system and it's time to start fresh. Nothing says 'slumpbuster' like Great American Ballpark. Get ready you drunk whore. We're coming to get ya.