Dude, You're Horrible

August 01, 2009 | Comments (0) | by Chaim Witz

I know, I know, the Cubs are winning, so I should just shut my mouth and fall in line. But all year I've sat here and listened to the other Bartenders defend Milton Bradley until they're Cubby Blue in the face.

"He'll come around don't worry."

"His job is to get on base. Look at his OBP!"

"He can really work a count."

"Why doesn't anybody focus on Soriano's struggles instead?"

Milton Bradley, he of the 3 year, $30 million dollar contract has 254 ABS as of this writing to go along with a .248 BA and 26 RBI. He is batting a robust .207 with runners in scoring position.

Yes, his OBP is around .385, but to that I respond, "who f'ing cares?" You don't pay someone $10 million a year to draw walks. If that's what we wanted we could have Nick Johnson for half the price. (BTW, Johnson also has almost twice as many RBI as Bradley, playing for the Nationals - and now the Marlins.)

26 RBI. For a man who has consistently batted in the 5 hole, a primo RBI spot in the order. Yes, RBI are to an extent a matter of chance, but again, I repeat, 26 RBI!

Gordon Beckham of the White Sox, recalled in June and primarily batting 8th, has 35 RBI.
Jack Wilson has 31.
Jerry Hairston Jr has 27.
Mike Fontenot has 32.
Jake Fox has as many RBI as Bradley in only 100 AB.
In 9 games in the NL, Matt Holiday already has over a third (10) of what Bradley has all year.

I could go on.

Point is, he's a bust. Deal with it. Thankfully, we have Aramis back, so our team can magically hit again (there is no single player more important to the Cubs fortunes than A-Ram, no doubt about it). But how much better would we be if that dipshit Bradley actually started to pull his (dead) weight? I'd love to eat my sweat-stained Cubs hat and see Uncle Milty blow up these last two months of the season, but really, I have seen nothing that would lead me to believe that the end of his woes are nigh. If Lou wants to send someone up there to draw a walk the Cubs might as well just sign Eddie Gaddel's corpse.

I swear to Sweet Baby Hack, if I see him strike out looking one more time...