TMS Booze Project: Prestige Edition Whiskey

I still feel like an outsider when I read one of the TMS Beer Project reviews. Although I sometimes drink beer and even enjoy it on occasion, it's usually something I resort to only when every other beverage has been consumed. Being a saloon, I have reaffirmed my vow to spotlight my preferred vessel for inebriation: HARD LIQUOR. Without further adieu, I bring you the TMS Booze Project...

Distributed by: J. Harrison Company, Mira Loma, CA

Type: Blended Whiskey

Receptacle: 500 mL glass bottle (with plastic twist-off cap)

History: 0. There is no history to this swill. I bought this shit at Ralph's. It's the bottom shelf store brand. For all I know, it's being distilled in the back by the stock boys on their breaks. It's disheartening that there isn't some kind of federal law being broken by putting the word "Prestige" on the label. Apparently, the only essential quality of whiskey is that it be brown and full of booze.

General Characteristics: (1 being dog urine rung out of a dirty rag, 10 being platinum diamond encrusted tequila): 3. Won't somebody please give me a job so I won't have to drink this? To quote Ralph Wiggum, it tastes like burning. It does vaguely taste like whiskey, sort of like if pure grain alcohol was infused with cheap whiskey flavoring. Which, as the label hints, might be the case. "20% Straight Whiskey and 80% Grain Neutral Spirits." This is essentially 80% cheap vodka and 20% whiskey. The "flavor" of this beverage reflects that fraction.

Straight from the bottle: 2: Dear Jesus, make it stop hurting. The burn from a shot of Prestige Edition Whiskey isn't the slow, glowing burn in the back of your throat that you get from syphilis other whiskies. Oh no. This is like a shot of napalm with caramel coloring.

Mixibility: ?. To be honest, I didn't bother mixing this with anything because I didn't want to waste any liquid that could possibly wash the nasty taste of Prestige Edition Whiskey out of my mouth.

Intoxication
(1 being an Imam on a solemn pilgrimage to Mecca, 10 being Dean Martin on New Year's Eve): 6. It's the standard 40% alcohol (80 proof). It'll eventually fuck you up, but you're going to have to drink more than you want to in order to achieve the desired result.

Affordability ($ being Prestige Whiskey, $$$$ being good whiskey): $. At $5 a bottle, it's no wonder Prestige is the preferred liquor of the homeless. This whiskey is so cheap and so awful that you might want to pour it into an empty bottle of a classier liquor in case you die of alcohol poisoning in the night. Here's a hint: ANYTHING else is classier than this shit. Like the fat chicks with missing teeth that you inevitably leave the bar with at the end of the night when you realize all the hot chicks have departed for the evening, you just hope your friends are too fucked up to notice what you're spending the evening with.

Effect on your ability to function the next day: 4. Thank Christ for small miracles. Like I've said many times, this stuff is hardly real whiskey. Therefore, the real whiskey particles that give you gigantic hangovers are largely absent from Prestige Edition Whiskey. It's more like a Captain Morgan's hangover; which is to say that it sort of feels like a brown liquor hangover without the badge of honor that comes with drinking a truly liver-corrosive alcoholic beverage.

Comments

143chocolate said…
I have been trying to find any information on this brand too! I'm a Jack girl myself. Since losing my job I'm on a hunt for cheaper whiskey. I chose the bourbon though. It's no Jack yet better then the whiskey blend.
Anonymous said…
I found a bottle of this swill abandoned in my garage by some long-lost roomate, and I must say - this review is spot on. This stuff really does taste like brown-flavored grain alcohol. It's so bad it makes JW Red or Jack Daniels look like $200/bottle top shelf single malt in comparison.
Anonymous said…
Times are tough, and finding good cheap bourbon is a harrowing affair ("good cheap bourbon" is an oxymoron, as any whiskey drinker knows.) I dusted off a bottle of this 80 proof mop water at my local liquor store and figured that for the price, it was worth a shot (or two.) Imagine my chagrin upon reading the fine print on the labe and seeing California! All TRUE bourbon is made in Kentucky, and there are rules governing what can be called "bourbon." Rest assured, I WILL be reporting this west coast garbage to the proper authorities.
Anonymous said…
Long time Whiskey drinker here, does anybody know who the manufacture is?
the mother company is Coke
Michael Haverly said…
As a tried and true Bourbon man who has spent many a year in southeastern Kentucky I can say, with a measure of authority, that this "Bourbon" is little more than pig shit in a bottle! I only buy it to mix the drinks of people I deeply dislike. If you're a genuine Bourbon drinker cough up the money for something better. Hell, anything will be better!
SkaaTeeBoy said…
I must say: Liking booze of all quality levels and, having a sense of humor - I greatly enjoyed your post. Keep up the good work sir!! {:~)
SkaaTeeBoy said…
P.S. Fry's store here in Flagstaff, Arizona had Prestige 'Citron' on sale for $9.99 a 1.75 L bottle!! So insane, I HAD to try it. Though only 35% ALC./VOL. (70 Proof), it honestly was not that bad. Better than any bathtub gin I could cook up myself - lol!!!
Jade Graham said…
It doesn't give away the high proof at all which allows you to enjoy the complex flavors without being overwhelmed by alcohol. Glass bottles Suppliers