Summer Games: Makeout Point

August 04, 2009 | Comments (0) | by The Hundley

Now that summer is here, it's time to get that itchy shirt off and get outside. This is doubly true in times of Cub woe that we're currently experiencing - we need something to pass the time and dull the pain. Summer Games will examine some classic outside games, carefully choosing ones that lend themselves to shirtless participation and the coexistence of your favorite summer beverage.

If it really is summer, then bring on the ladies. You can search the world over for a real Spanish Fly, and you'll eventually find that when you find El Dorado. The only proven aphrodisiacs in this world are warm weather, a scenic view, and an automobile. (Although Chaim Witz will ferociously argue that "a healthy dousing of Brut cologne" works as well. We shall leave this to the reader.) Women are helpless against this veteran move. It's a timeless classic, and for good reason.

If I need to explain to you what this is, you might be in some serious trouble and I might suggest brushing up on some other epic articles on how to play your cards. It's simply getting a girl in your car (preferably while on a date), driving to the local Lookout Point, and parking the car. If you still need to know what to do, go watch Porkies or something.

A real gentleman will first try to get her (or him) in the mood. Shirt removal, alcoholic beverages, reading poetry, listening to music, some light muscle flexing (even if it is light flexing, you should always have some baby oil on hand for maximum definition), or fables of athletic prowess are all acceptable means of achieving this mood. Play to your strengths.

What type of Point-er are you?

The Old-Schooler: has some type of sports car or a collectible type. Even in this day and age, he wears copious amounts of hair treatment and is commonly seen wearing a leather jacket. Will find a spot not next to someone, park, talk for a bit, then raise the top on the convertible if applicable so ass to announce to others that he's doing what he do, yet respects his prey enough to allow for some privacy.

The Daredevil: sometimes seen in a convertible that has no top, but is most often seen on a motorcycle, the crotch-rocket variety. Daredevil wears no helmet, yet has one for his prey to wear during the ride. Mr. Devil will pull up right next to you when you are the only ones there, and goes to work right on top of the bike, in plain view, for all to see and admire. Normally named "Charlie".

The Milquetoast: has no car of his own and is too scared to use his parents rig for fear of getting it dirty. Normally seen rolling in a friend's car after his girl practically begged him to take hers. Won't park unless he can have a minimum of a 50' buffer from opposing cars. Commonly suffers from "stage fright" due to extreme nervousness. Regardless, Toast will usually put on the prophylactic before leaving his home - just in case.

Mr. Ambiguity: has no problem parking, but must take extreme caution as he is scared of being caught or seen. Make no mistake, Amby is a real charmer, but his fear of being caught causes him to take extreme measures like only parking when he's driving a cargo van. The van gives him maximum privacy, but also makes him seem like a child molester when he's creepin' around town.

Happy hunting.