Movies I’m Not Looking Forward To

August 25, 2009 | Comments (0) | by Zachary Kenitzer

I like movies, a lot. I enjoy watching, quoting and re-watching. While these opinions are mine and solely mine I do not expect the rest of the TMS Staff to agree with me, rather I expect them some one like Chaim to throw a foamy latte back in my face because it makes him farty and bloated (I’m the intern, its a challenge to get it without excessive foam)

The Final Destination

OK, so the series has gone on long enough and they are effectively killing the franchise of horror flicks that brought in tons of money. Frankly I don’t understand how there got to be so many of them in the first place (with this one it brings it to four) but it has raked in $316,000,000. The power of the almighty dollar.

But what is even more bizarre is that the ratings have gone up with each subsequent version of the movie, yet it is still way below par with reviews not even meeting the two star out of four in most cases.

Besides, the new previews for it are hilarious... there appears to be a girls head caught in the sun roof of a car as it goes through the automated car wash with saw blades, a escalator that collapsed to reveal human eating machines and a plane that crashes into a back yard. What is this? Donnie Darko?

All About Steve

This movie suffers from what I like to call Seth Rogan Disease. Bradley Cooper and the small asian man are at it again in a movie that tries to be a romantic comedy with Sandra Bullock. I am already tired of Seth Rogan, but now they are taking Bradley Cooper and throwing him into anything that remotely resembles a comedy.

You can also tell if a movie is going to suck from the number of trailers that are on TV. This movie isn’t due to come out until September 4, but ads have been on TV now for at least three weeks. The sheer amount of ads for it (I saw three in one 30 minute sitting) tell me it that the producers go “Shit, this movie sucks, we are going to lose a lot of money. Lets advertise the shit out of it so that people just go to the movies and once they buy that ticket the money is ours. If they walk out because its terrible, they walk out.”

Sorority Row

A killer is on the loose in a small college town and killing hot Sorority girls, making it a dude movie that you can take your girlfriend to because its a horror movie. I love how generic the scenes are in the preview. You could literally switch the titles between any generic horror movie (House of Wax, etc) with this preview and you would think its a different movie because the title is the only different thing.

Its like a Nickelback Song: Insert power chords, Chad Kroger and a hook that follows 4-4- time pattern and wha-la you have a terrible song that sounds like every other Nickelback song.